Just one more post before I stop for the day. I would like to take a moment to thank a couple people. Theres going to be alot of this in the next few days to bear with me I will be covering a lot of people.
Jason C. thanks for listening when I needed to rant you are the voice of reason I need sometimes. Shannon for a while now I've wanted to tell you how much I value you and your friendship with me. It is a great pleasure to have you as a friend. I take joy in watching the two of you grow together. But it is well known that I have another reason to thank you specifically. I must thank you for playing matchmaker. You have subjected me to that which I feared the most. Love.

See thats the thing in my life right now I have an over abundance of love to give and recieve. I was talking to Susan last week and for some reason a good analogy came into my head. A music box.

I have had a crush on Susan for several years now. I would go buy bookmarks from her store just so I could see her smile. Each time I went to see her, that was kind of like turning the handle on the music box inside me ever so slightly. Years went by and Shannon mentioned something about Susan and I should see each other. Little bit harder turns on the music box. After a couple weeks I went to actually talk to the object of my desire. Was I nervous? yep damn straight I was. But then she smiled at me. BIG turns on the music box. We finally went out a couple weeks later. I picked her up from work she looked amazing. We walked to my car I opened her door and the music box opened and my heart hasn't stopped dancing since.

Finally I'll talk about enjoying practising martial arts I studied Pencak Silat and Kali for a number of years. I stopped working out after a while because I became obssesed with it and it was just unhealthy mentally. However in the last 9 months or so I have renewed my interest in training. There is something beautiful about being able to move with fluid grace and deliver a devastating hit to someone. Knife work is fun because I like to push myself and see how fast I can really go. Swordplay is just a thrill when I try new combos and angles of attack. Anyway I could go on but no need to.

Cooking is wonderous enjoyment for me. It allows me to create at times a masterpiece so it could be fair to say that I consider it an artform. I'll brag and boast I'm really really good at it. But thats not why I do it. I do it because it allows me to express how I feel about them without saying a damn thing which is nice because I think if i tried for certain few of them I'd probably lose it and cry like a little girl. Anyway back to cooking I like to bake cakes for people thats fun because a cake always generates a smile. Mexican food a yes the tried and true I believe when I was born I was injected with salsa. Chicken burritos have earned a nickname "panty droppers" no Barry White, no candles nothing but chicken burritos. Soups make me feel like a wizard or something I just look around and toss whatever I find into a pot and cross my fingers or pray to the God of Cilantro.

So to continue writing about the things I enjoy I'll start with camping. See with camping I get to do a number of different things depending on who has accompanied me. For instance if Jason comes we can play D&D or bitch about games and retarded they've gotten. When Dad and I go I get to pick his brain and heart for experiences and wisdom. Usually one way or another I'll go for a walk or hike which is nice because it reminds me that no matter how strong I get I'll never run a mile in under an hour. I generally handle all the cooking, not because I think they'll try and poison me, its just something I do. But what I love most of all about camping is the sunrise. That first creeping of heat up my arms and across my neck it reminds me that I'm alive. It is very clensing to me to just stand for a minute and just let the new light wash over me. No matter what I'm doing I try to take a moment even just an instant to close my eyes and revel in the possibilities of the new day.

Well I guess I'll start off simple. I just got home from work exactly 3 hours early so I'll be organizing my closet to make more room for Susan's stuff (seems to be alot of that around this place). But I won't complain she makes me smile. I think it has to do with having someone to talk to (when shes in the mood). My friends have heard me bitch and heard me praise different situations (sometimes the same), but as much as I love them their responses are predictable as are mine I assume. So its nice to have a fresh response to my rants sometimes (unless she disagrees with me).
Been thinking alot about my wants, needs and desires beyond that of an animal's basics such as food, water and shelter. I am understanding now that for the longest time I have very rarely ever stated what I want for me. I have always had a reactionary want based on someone elses needs or opinion. I realize this is depriving me of what makes me a man or more specifically a human. So in an endeavor to find out what I want I'm going to talk about things I enjoy doing (besides sex Susan).