Sigh....feeling much better than I did the past couple days. I have a lot on my mind lately. I'll rattle of the list of a few.

1. New jobs for Susan and I
2. Trying to get a concrete schedule for my students
3. Preparing for my test to become to reach Guru level in silat
4. What are Susan's plans for continuing her education?
5. When are we going to look into houses? (directly related to #4)
6. When will we be out of debt?
7. How long till my car explodes?
8. How in the hell am I supposed to organize this place?
9. When will we get new animals here?
10. When will we start to try for babies? (directly related to #s 1,4,5,6)
11. How long till I can get some sort of self-employment going?
12. When will the new Honda dealer call me to start?
13. How much will they pay me? (directly related to #s 5,6,7,10,11)
14. How can I show my wife that she is beautiful?
15. How can I show her that I need her just as much as she needs me?

Going to Pistons game tonight its my first one. I ordered an instructional tape and a shirt for silat they should be arriving in about 2 weeks. I'm very excited about that. When my training starts I am going to make it as intense as possible. I'll be ready for my test come spring time.

Algren: [narrating] They are an intriguing people. From the moment they wake they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they pursue. I have never seem such discipline. I am surprised to learn that the word Samurai means, 'to serve', and that Katsumoto believes his rebellion to be in the service of the Emperor.
Algren: [narrating] Winter, 1877. What does it mean to be Samurai? To devote yourself utterly to a set of moral principles. To seek a stillness of your mind. And to master the way of the sword.

oh and i am starting to get an abundance of gray hair.

Arwen: Do you remember when we first met? Aragorn: I thought I had wandered into a dream. Arwen: Long years have passed. You did not have the cares you carry now. Do you remember what I told you? Aragorn: You said you'd bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people. Arwen: And to that I hold. I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. [hands him her pendant] Arwen: I choose a mortal life.

interview went ok. gotta do some background checks and such.

i can't believe how incredibly angry i am right now.

i simply cannot believe it.

some people just won't change, won't grow and won't let go.

and some people simply need to disapear.

Time to have a holiday party. Need to hear what peoples dates of availability are. The party will be held here. Any ideas on food and drink?

Job interview tomorrow.
Very excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Well it has been some time. I could say that I've been happy, but i havn't been. Nothing new in the area of bitching. Same shit to the nth power. My business plan is shaping up slowly but surely. I have a job interview at a different Honda Dealership on Thursday. I really hope that pans out. I make less money now than I ever did before. So it is definitly time for a change. Been teaching Susan how to drive. Thats been fun and exciting.

As of tomorrow I will have 6 students. Teaching is going well. It is extremely challenging. But I believe that I am on the right path with this at this moment in time. I have not been pushing myself enough physically though.

I believe my time to be very disorganized. I feel as if I'm always trying to play catch up. So tomorrow I will try to make a schedule for the week. Like when I'm to practice, to clean, to work and to cook. Really wish I had some sort of structure.

I'm sitting here listening to the Lord of the Rings soundtracks. They are so beautiful. The music actually gives me goosebumps everytime I hear it. Especially the softer melodies of the hobbits. I wonder why that is. Some music is simply perfect and I believe that this is one of them.

Anyway back to teaching for a bit. Six students now. They are a lot to handle. Its like teaching babies to walk. But every so often they stand up on their own and surprise you. ( I've switched to the soundtrack to the Mission) There is a feeling that I get when I watch my students move after I show them something. Especially when they get it right. Let me start over.

As some of you know I studied Pencak Silat for a number of years I enjoyed it a great deal to the point of becoming obsessed with it by practicing 4 hours a day 7 days a week. I began to focus all of my thoughts during the day, on how best to destroy the human body. One night after terrible nightmares and I believe a visitation by another entity I simply stopped Silat. It was difficult because I knew I was good at it, very good at it actually. So years went on and I never picked up a blade never moved in that fashion. I put on a lot of weight became soft and much of the inner fire in me died and I sought peace and did my best to remove violence from my life. However anyone who knows anything understands that the life of a hermit will eventually be intruded on and that there is no way to completely remove violence from life. It is how we address that makes us human. Moving on. September 11, 2001 there I was watching cartoons. I flip stations to CNN for Shits and Giggles just in time to see the second plane hit. The day went on. Little sleep that night. Woke the next morning with an ache in my heart.

An ache of sadness that was felt for all those who are preyed upon in the night and are too weak to stand against the darkness. I meditated for a while. Did a lot of soul searching. Prayers were said through my tears. I stood up walked over to my box that I kept all of the tools of trade in, and opened it. I saw my purpose in an instant. Reaching for a blade with a shaking hand, afraid of what would happen. Would I lose myself again? In a word no. Speaking the words of power I began to move, I found myself able to move faster, more clean and deadlier than before.

My purpose became clear that day. In a world filled with lies, hatred, fear, oppression, anger and malicious wanton destruction there must be an reply. Where terror, pain and darkness reign, a great light must be brought to the people to give them hope to show them the meaning of strength, that they can stand in the night and not be afraid.

So now I teach the way of the warrior. The way of strength, honor and the idea of creating peace around ourselves. My students will learn to eliminate all who would do evil to them. By understanding that all matter is energy to be given and taken. They will learn to be bastions of light to the world around them and teach those near them that there is no need to fear the darkness.

MAY THERE BE NO HINDRANCE

Very tired now, but I'll keep writing for a while. Susan is almost done with school. Very excited about that.

I miss my friends. Nuff said.

Time for some quotes.

Dr. Otto Octavius: The power of the sun, in the palm of my hand