Coming back was easier both on the eyes and stress. We went through Wyoming which is quite lovely. Nice reststops there too.....Then drove into South Dakota which it seems only has one attraction Wall Drug the world biggest drug store. Very creepy seeing sign after sign for it. Minnesota flew by as did Wisconsin still smelt like shit though. Chicago is a guranteed stress builder coming or going. I had Susan drive when we got into Michigan. I apparently fell asleep and was snoring but not too loudly. We got home at 9:00 Wed night exhausted and proud of ourselves. All in all it was a great experience that I'd like to do again.

We arrived in Helena Friday afternoon. I met her sister right away immediatly followed her aunt Carol wonderful people. Very nice indeed. Rested for a few hours then went to dinner at a pizza place, now then I work at a pizza place and I can't stand the sight of it most of the time, but this was really good. Spent Saturday puting together Easter baskets for kids. Great fun, had a blast shopping for toys to put in them. Saturday night was the baptism and easter mass. Very moving to be there and be included in an event like that. The church was beautiful. Probably the best I've seen this side of the Atlantic. Got punched in the arm by a priest who is probably the largest man I've ever seen. It hurt a lot nearly knocked me down. Easter Sunday was a brunch followed by an egg hunt. Loads of fun. Kids got lots of candy and liked their toys. Susan and I went for a walk later on very nice town at night. Monday we stopped at her sisters house to say bye and I played basketball with and was beaten by an 8 year old.

I believe that all livestock on farms across U.S.A. are simply cardboard cutouts. Not one horse, cow, llama, goat or buffalo moved. Except at the end our trip a few cows were running somewhere.

Montana was beautiful. But lets start from the beginning. We left at 5:45 in the morning. We alternated driving for a while. Susan did excellent by the way. Then we reached Chicago. Chicago doesn't have expressways they have construction. We were stuck in construction for an hour and I had to pee the whole time. Finally got out of Illinois. Into Wisconsin which smells like cow shit. Then into Minnesota we stopped for the night there. Very nice rest areas in Minnesota by the way. Drove into North Dakota the next day. Please do yourself a favor stay out of North Dakota aside from a really tasty chicken dinner we had its absolutely worthless. Except Roosevelt Park at the end of the state. Got into Billings, Montana that night. We were so wiped out we decided to get a room with a jacuzzi. I now have a greater respect for lobsters. Woke up next day rested and ready. Finished out driving to Helena, Montana. On the way we stopped in Bozeman fabulous meal simply fabulous. Also had a very moving moment in the car the sky was pink and purple and I looked at Susan and told her that it was scenes like this that make me believe God does exist.

Before getting into the Montana trip I'd like to talk a bit about my relationship with Susan.
I get very nervous when she talks about not being worthy of me. Lately this has led to other statements like I'm not sure if I'm ready for a serious relationship. Those of you who know me can guess my reaction. Fear. Anger. Fear. Failure. Fear. Sympathy. Fear. However right after these statements, I'm told that she can't imagine her life without me and that I'm the best man alive. Susan means the world to me. I'm going to trust in love and believe that it doesn't fail. But for someone who is prized for strength and unwavering loyalty I've never been more afraid in my life.

Montana was fun. Her family is great. Church service was beautiful. The drive was very long. But we persevered.

I'm sorry, I would continue but I'm kind of on edge right now. I can't think straight. I keep waiting for the walls of my life and sanity to close in and fall on me. I just want to love her forever.

We are standing in a rest stop in North Dakota. The left armpit of America.
Nothing to see here but cows and empty fields. Trip is going well. Susan understands not to make it premeditated. Just accidental.....
This computer kiosk is the coolest thing ever created.
got to go.

Still packing we leave at 5 am....very nervous about trip. This going to be fun.

It is now 5:39 in the morning I am staying up this late to keep Susan company while she does laundry. I realize now that I'm going to pay for it tomorrow, but she is worth it. She needs to know that she is appreciated.

Still haven't packed for trip I think I'll do it Monday night. Not sure what to expect because I haven't been in that direction before. I'm getting the feeling that the next 2 weeks will be very significant. I am anxious to meet her sister in Montana. It will be nice to see Susan's interaction with her. Human interaction facinates me.

When we get back I will be looking for a new job I'm getting to the point of just not wanting to go to work anymore. The only reasons I go are the interaction with coworkers and I get paid reasonably well. I've been very stressed about losing my job because of sales being so low at the store. Being the highest paid employee makes me first on the chopping block. My boss has stated he will be looking into the possibility of closing the store after the first of the year. This tells me that things are bad enough to close now.

I will also be looking for a new martial arts school to attend. I'm not sure if I want to study pencak silat again. Maybe something more competitive like tae kwon do. I do like the way aikido flows. Kendo or iaido would be nice because I have an interest in Japanese culture and those to two arts seem steeped in ritual. Or maybe I'll study competition and ritual.

I have picked up the quill and paper again and have continued to write my cookbook. I am hoping to be done with it by September. I want to have 50 recipes in it and I only have 23 so I have some work to do. I think I'll start to go over notes that Jason and I made for a neat little story. The need to create has been unleashed by using this accursed blog.

I told my mom and grandma today that I am engaged. That was fun....

Weddings and funerals are the same thing either way you die.

Thats all for now sorry I rambled Susan just didn't want to comment on the previous post.

Well its Sunday morning stress time in our apartment. We are leaving for Montana on Wed. and of course magically there are a million surprise(things which could have been done in the past 2 weeks) things to do. I am positive that I will be made to feel (unintentionally of course) that some or all of these will be my fault. I do enjoy the silent treatment I get from Susan when she gets worked about something like this it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Had a nice disagreement last night. Not a fight just another disagreement. See we both have this thing about not being able to say what we want. I am simply infinitly less patient with her. I won't get into details because parental units read this and it would freak them out. It just the most frustrating thing I've ever had to deal with.
On Tuesday March 30 we had no problem saying what we wanted. See it was her birthday and I made her a cake and she wished we could grow old together and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember. So I went ahead and complicated my life. I proposed to her. She said yes, after falling off the couch and dropping her cake everywhere.
Not looking forward to work today because I can see that there is a problem here and I want to sort it out. Normally I find out that a problem is much bigger than anticipated while at work. Not fun because it usually comes with crying, mumbling and saying fuck you. Again all this could be avoided with a little communication.