WARNING:Harsh language please don't be offended I'm just a little annoyed right now.
I am so sick of being talked to in a condescending way. I don't believe that it is at all intentional. At least it better not be. From now on people who speak to me like this will be treated to blatant hostility. I don't give a fuck who you are or what you are to me. I don't give a fuck how smart or how stupid you may or may not think you are. I don't give a fuck how long I've known you or even in what capacity I've known you. NONE I repeat NONE of this behavior will be tolerated anymore. It will be dealt with swiftly and I can assure you decisively. My response may hurt peoples feelings but guess what...I don't give a fuck (are you following the pattern class?)To be belittled (I think thats a word) is not something I like. More importantly when it is about something which I am quite informed and experienced in it is kind of well irritating.
Lately things have been a little interesting for me. I am becoming aware of patterns in my behavior and am trying to adjust them as I see fit. Yet for some this was not enough. And for others it is enough but I believe that they feel this gives them liscense whether they do it intentionally or not to speak in a condescending way towards me. As if any or these people has any ground to stand on. I have allowed myself to fall into a pattern which I always have and that is rely on others (more specifically one) to fight or respond for me. This has left me open to that which I detest. Being treated in a condescending manner. So as I have more of my "revelations" and become more aware of my "potential" so that I don't "waste myself" or "be unfulfilled" whatever the fuck any of that means, I am trying to exercise patience and understanding with some or maybe even many of the people in my life as I listen to them tell me what I should do with myself.
Please don't misunderstand me (lets go ahead and cut that out while we can). I am not angry at anyone. I am VERY appreciative of the fact that people give a damn about me. I am fully aware that I have talents and gifts and all the rest that makes an individual what they are. Do I know what to do with them? Somewhat yes. Have I told all that there is to say? NO. Why? Because I don't fucking feel like being talked down to. You want to see my gifts? Strength, you are reading it. Courage, I am telling the people around me how I feel about their actions, who among you can do the same? Brains? Don't even get me started. I'm saving that as my last defense against the behavior which this post is about. Physical prowess (with a blade or during sex), I haven't even used 10% of whats available to me.
You may be asking why I am writing this. The answer is the most simple and primal. Self preservation. How is this possible? I'll tell you last week was very rough for me and in the midst of all this I felt that I was being pressed not attacked but pressed on all sides, above and below about me doing something with myself. About finding fulfillment in life. It seemed to me that people were trying to change me and my behavior because they were disatisfied with me and it. I asked myself how long have these people felt this way? Has my very existence which has been in my mind based on service to others been unsatisfactory to them? Have they been lying to me the whole time? Well if my existence is unsatisfactory then why even exist then? So for the briefest moment in the smallest measure of time I asked myself why bother seeing tomorrow if it will be filled with more disappointment? Obviously nothing came about with that thought because here I am. Am I angry with someone? Yes, me. How dare I allow myself to be so weak as to let the opinion of others dictate my will to breathe? I am not samurai. None of you is my liege lord who can command my death so why bother concerning myself with your opinions? One answer and one word only will suffice. Love.
The people who read this blog hold the highest places in my heart. I love each and everyone of you. I don't say it enough and for some of you I haven't said it at all. I value each and everyone of you as individuals and as a group. Each one of you holds and guards the best parts of me. I know that each of you wants me to be happy, secure, fulfilled and taking the most out of life. So I shall be, but in my own ways. I am not an idiot there is very little escapes my attention. Just because I don't say anything for awhile doesn't mean I don't have an idea about where I'm heading. Please trust me.
I am so sick of being talked to in a condescending way. I don't believe that it is at all intentional. At least it better not be. From now on people who speak to me like this will be treated to blatant hostility. I don't give a fuck who you are or what you are to me. I don't give a fuck how smart or how stupid you may or may not think you are. I don't give a fuck how long I've known you or even in what capacity I've known you. NONE I repeat NONE of this behavior will be tolerated anymore. It will be dealt with swiftly and I can assure you decisively. My response may hurt peoples feelings but guess what...I don't give a fuck (are you following the pattern class?)To be belittled (I think thats a word) is not something I like. More importantly when it is about something which I am quite informed and experienced in it is kind of well irritating.
Lately things have been a little interesting for me. I am becoming aware of patterns in my behavior and am trying to adjust them as I see fit. Yet for some this was not enough. And for others it is enough but I believe that they feel this gives them liscense whether they do it intentionally or not to speak in a condescending way towards me. As if any or these people has any ground to stand on. I have allowed myself to fall into a pattern which I always have and that is rely on others (more specifically one) to fight or respond for me. This has left me open to that which I detest. Being treated in a condescending manner. So as I have more of my "revelations" and become more aware of my "potential" so that I don't "waste myself" or "be unfulfilled" whatever the fuck any of that means, I am trying to exercise patience and understanding with some or maybe even many of the people in my life as I listen to them tell me what I should do with myself.
Please don't misunderstand me (lets go ahead and cut that out while we can). I am not angry at anyone. I am VERY appreciative of the fact that people give a damn about me. I am fully aware that I have talents and gifts and all the rest that makes an individual what they are. Do I know what to do with them? Somewhat yes. Have I told all that there is to say? NO. Why? Because I don't fucking feel like being talked down to. You want to see my gifts? Strength, you are reading it. Courage, I am telling the people around me how I feel about their actions, who among you can do the same? Brains? Don't even get me started. I'm saving that as my last defense against the behavior which this post is about. Physical prowess (with a blade or during sex), I haven't even used 10% of whats available to me.
You may be asking why I am writing this. The answer is the most simple and primal. Self preservation. How is this possible? I'll tell you last week was very rough for me and in the midst of all this I felt that I was being pressed not attacked but pressed on all sides, above and below about me doing something with myself. About finding fulfillment in life. It seemed to me that people were trying to change me and my behavior because they were disatisfied with me and it. I asked myself how long have these people felt this way? Has my very existence which has been in my mind based on service to others been unsatisfactory to them? Have they been lying to me the whole time? Well if my existence is unsatisfactory then why even exist then? So for the briefest moment in the smallest measure of time I asked myself why bother seeing tomorrow if it will be filled with more disappointment? Obviously nothing came about with that thought because here I am. Am I angry with someone? Yes, me. How dare I allow myself to be so weak as to let the opinion of others dictate my will to breathe? I am not samurai. None of you is my liege lord who can command my death so why bother concerning myself with your opinions? One answer and one word only will suffice. Love.
The people who read this blog hold the highest places in my heart. I love each and everyone of you. I don't say it enough and for some of you I haven't said it at all. I value each and everyone of you as individuals and as a group. Each one of you holds and guards the best parts of me. I know that each of you wants me to be happy, secure, fulfilled and taking the most out of life. So I shall be, but in my own ways. I am not an idiot there is very little escapes my attention. Just because I don't say anything for awhile doesn't mean I don't have an idea about where I'm heading. Please trust me.
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