Me getting married.....where the hell did that come from whats going on here.
3 days away. Am I nervous? Damn right I am. Scared? Yes I will admit that I am scared. Am I ready? No but whoever is? Do I love her? Yes I do love her, words have not been created to express nor instruments invented to measure the depths of my love for her. Everyday is a new tune that is played by the music box that my heart has become. She creates the melody, her touch lends the lyrics and her very whim can change the tempo. Does she realize this? I don't think so. Have I tried to express to her how I feel? Yes but I don't have the gift of words that she does. So I must find other ways of showing her and getting her to understand what she is to me. Cooking hasn't worked even though she enjoys my food, she hasn't grasped what it means to me to pour my energy into my hands and create something out of nothing, so that in my mind part of me is nourishing her body the way I believe that I nourish her heart. All I know to do now is put myself on the line like I did in the beginning. There is only so much of me that I can reveal to someone. This blog has helped a little but it doesn't do me justice. She can't see unless I open all the doors of my heart and mind to her. Perhaps the best way to express how I feel is simply to demolish the walls, throw open the gates and lower my defenses and surrender to her. I have never submitted to anyone. Left myself vulnerable? Yes. But never outright submitted to the mercy of another person. So I shall stand before her trusting, without defense or armor. I will show her the rose.